Hello followers, readers, bloggers….sooo, my life will definitely be in for a big emotional change and I don’t know how to react. I have been a stay at home mom for quite some time now, 1 yr and 4 months to be exact. I’ve gotten to a point in my life where my son is not breast feeding as often and is on a pretty set napping schedule wich gives me about 8 to 9 hours of time where he doesn’t necessarily NEED me to be around. I’ve been thinking, maybe now is a good time to get back to work. Don’t get me wrong, I LOVE being able to stay home with my son and take care of him to the best of my ability but I’ve been feeling like I need to be selfish for once. I need to start my life again. For the better of me, myself, and of course for OUR future. Little by little I’ve been leaving him with a very trustful family member for an hour or two, and he’s been doing great. He doesn’t cry when I leave, and doesn’t cry in between. But I’m very nervous about leaving him for more than 3 hours. I feel like I want to cry my eyes out just thinking about it. I’ve been told plenty of times that I have to let go, that I can’t just hang on to him forever. My father raised me and my brother alone. He tells me that it’s ok to be selfish, that it’s ok to leave him in good hands, that I should do ME and go on a date, or to a movie and not worry about him for a few hours. I CANT! When I go to the store I’m thinking about my baby, when I’m getting my nails done, I feel like I’m in a hurry because I’m anxious to know what he’s doing and what he’s getting into. I’m at peace when he’s around me, I feel like I have no worries. So how do I let go? How do I get my life back?
Those questions are the main reoson why I stayed home all this time. I’ve been working for 8 years. I always stayed busy and love my career. I miss it soo much. I am making little steps to returning to work but the closer I get to going back the more anxious and nervous I become. Is this normal? Or am I just being crazy? I just wish I can put him in a bubble so he never gets hurt, so he never feels what pain is. I think that’s what it is. If I’m not watching him, or if I’m doing doing things for him like changing his diaper, feeding him, bathing him, I feel like something is going to happen. Can it be because I’ve done it by myself for soo long? Now that I am trying to loosen up and let someone help I feel this way? This journey is definitely not an easy one and I’m glad I can share it with you guys…
I’d love to hear your opinions and your stories. What would you do?
beingamommynbeauty 