When I found out I was expecting, man was I the happiest girl in the world. To me, it was a dream come true. No one was able to bring me down. As a little girl my dream was to become a mommy. I remember carrying my dolls around with me pretending they were my baby girls. And to satisfy my imagination my father would buy me the baby dolls, the strollers, the toy diapers etc. As I got older and older my obsession with being a mother only got worse and worse. When I became “of age” the baby fever never went away but than of course I was more mature and careful. As much as I knew I wanted a baby, I knew that I wasn’t ready. So I would entertain the idea with loving my niece and nephew just as much. They were my distraction for a few years. Until of course, my dream came true.
At the age of 22 I met the man of my dreams. He was like no other, well, in my eyes that is. There where never any arguements, he treated me like a queen. Every relationship has its ups and downs but we had more ups than anything. When I became pregnant it was a surprise. We weren’t trying but we would always talk about how we’ve always wanted children. With the pregnancy things started to change. At first for the better, than of course it started shifting for the worst. I was always told that babies change relationships and I always told myself, no way! We love each other so much nothing will change it, ever. If only I knew what I know now. Our love for each other, I guess you can say, still exists but it isn’t about US anymore. From the idea of the baby coming and of everything that had to be done, US was kind of put on a shelf somewhere.
Than finally baby arrived. And it’s a boy!!!! I was the happiest mommy in the world. I’ve always wanted a boy! So if I get blessed with a little girl, She can always have her big brother. Daddy was happy too. He wanted a girl of course but he loves his boy to death. Months passed and baby boy became 3…4…10 months old. And of course we expect parenting an infant to a toddler to be all rainbows and unicorns, but boy was I in for a big surprise. I love my son to no ending. He is all I’ve ever wanted, but sometimes I just want to sleep for more than 4 hours at a time. Sometimes I want to have uninterrupted showers to relax, And sometimes I want to just binge watch a show all day and stay cuddled on the couch. But this is what parenting is all about. The sacrifices and life changes that you have to make for your offspring. I want him to have everything and more. I was raised by a single father who gave it all for me and my brother. I admire that man to death. I want my son to look at me like that one day. To admire everything I’ve done for him. Yes, sometimes I want to just take my son to a baby sitter and be selfish for once. Sometimes i want to leave him and shop and treat myself and not have to worry about if he’s fed, if he needs changing, if he has his movie on, or if he’s getting into anything he isn’t suppose to. But than I think, no. All I need to be ok, is that he’s healthy and happy. “Me time” can come later. I changed my whole life for him and I want him to have it all. That’s what makes me happy. As long as he has a smile on his face my whole world makes sense..