As a mom, I cant help the feeling that I am not good enough. Not only because I am a 1st time mommy, but also because everyone around you will do a great job of making you feel this way. If you feel or have ever felt this way before, I guarantee; you are not alone. Whether its how we do things as mothers, or as a significant other, and how we treat them someone will always have their own opinions about how things should be done (e.g. if you don’t wash his clothes enough, if you don’t cook for him on the daily etc..) name it, I’ve been accused of it all. Not because I’m a terrible spouse or lazy, only because they are looking at my relationship thru a window and they don’t know what REALLY happens. Don’t let peoples opinions change who you are and how you do things. Although I know its easier said than done.
When I 1st started hearing peoples opinions about how they think I am as a mother or significant other, I found myself doing extra than what I was originally doing only to satisfy others. Until my significant other came to me and told me “who gives a damn what others think and say, you do more than enough for me and my son.” just hearing his words made me feel soo much better inside but still, I have the unconfident side of me whispering in my ear…..”did you cook? did you clean? are caring for the baby right? “and believe it or not but it does do a number on me mentally. I find my self double thinking about everything I do. If you’re the type that has opinions about people and how they do things I would have to say….”let them be.” Not everything will be done your way and hey….maybe it doesn’t work for you but if they’re dong it than, hey! it must work for them. and when it comes to relationships, never stick your nose in their business. if he or she isn’t complaining than maybe it isn’t a problem, so don’t make it one.
As a mommy the feeling of encouragement is important. Whether its our 1st time being a mommy or our 3rd, 4th, 5th, its all new to us. The feeling that we are doing something wrong is only natural but I’m pretty sure 99 % of the time you are doing things the right way. Our mind is an expert of making us freak out at anything out of the ordinary. And having people making us feel like we are fucking shit up only makes it worse. I am here to tell you that You are doing great and no matter what others say you are wonderful at what you do and you are more than good enough.
Before I start off, I would like to wish all of you a wonderful new year and I hope you all nothing but the best in this upcoming year.
Who believes life remains the same for a couple after your first child? I am here to tell you, it will never be the same. I remember going thru pregnancy wondering why was it that everyone around me always mentioned things changing? I felt like my relationship was rock solid and I felt lucky enough to think things would stay perfect. Boy was I wrong.
Things changed instantly. Not just because we became parents, but also our relationship itself. Intimacy did a 180 turn for us, affection was thrown out of the window. And it wasn’t about “us” anymore. The other day I remember sitting there reminiscing about how our relationship used to be. How you used to randomly hug me, and tell me you love me. And now I think, when was the last time he hugged me? We would always talk about how we would give it our all to remain the same with each other but it seems the more we try, the more we drift apart. Now is this normal? Hell yes!
These things happen all the time! The only difference between couples that separate and couples that make it is, they keep the spark alive. No relationship is perfect, it’s not always a walk in the park. But if you really want it to work it’s a team effort. My relationship definitely needs ALOT of work but don’t we all? The key is not giving up on each other. Even if he makes you want to pull your hair out, just take a deep breathe, go for a walk, and remember why you love him. And if you can’t think about it, than obviously you’re not meant to be but that’s another story for another day.
Some days I think….. is this meant to be? Am I forcing it? Am I just doing this for the baby? But than I remember that life is not easy. Things will get better. As much as I believe I have a lot going on remember that so does he. And being understanding is key. Every relationship is different but as long as there is communication and consideration things will be ok. It’s normal to doubt your relationship and ask ” is this going to work out?” The actions that you take is what matters. A lot of women also say, “well if he doesn’t hug me I’m not going to hug him either!” I totally get that but again, its team effort. If he isn’t trying and you don’t try either, there will be no winning for the both of you. Maybe he feels that you’ll attack him if he shows affection? Who knows. If you love him don’t give up. I see a lot of couples that still love each other and are broken up or seperated and I asked “if you would be able to do something different what would you do? And I always get the answer ” I would stick it out and try harder.” When shit gets tough we want to give up because we are tired, we are overwhelmed and upset but if we communicate and let the storm pass we would make better decisions.
Yes a child makes a relationship 100x worse but it all depends on how we handle the situation. And hey, maybe it doesn’t get worse for everyone but for the ones who were as unfortunate as I was, hang in there. I guarantee you that it will get better just be patient and enjoy the little one in your arms. Time for the both of you will get better just don’t give up on him and don’t push him away. If it’s true love, it will shine again.